Sometimes I understand my children’s impulse to set things on fire. I make every effort to establish order, and all that comes of it is chaos. There is a great deal to do to catch up in the household, and I must pry from the children why they came home smug and bloody today, so […]
I have pried no more sense from fiction amongst the talkers of the market and the cookhouse, though I managed to get myself soaked with damp going out and about in the pale fog, and half expected to see ghosts lining the streets. It is not healthful to breathe fog too deeply. There is a […]
The children interrupt their warfare to take care of me. It is very sweet, but I want my husband. He is always at his best when I am ill. I shall write him a letter. I shall include erotic poetry. He likes that. I think the fever is not good.
A busy day. Heiye has asked permission to go out at night and set a trap for our rival gang. I believe I said something like, “We are engaged in a rebellion, surely that is enough warfare for anyone.” “You said it was good practice, lady.” “I did not.” “As you say, lady mistress.” “Oh, […]
A brief break in the rains drew me out into the market today to wander in the afternoon sun. I brought no coin with me so that it would not be stolen. The market is still loud and ever-moving, but I have found the stillness within myself again. I used to use my inner stillness […]
I have made some strides in establishing a routine. We wake in the morning and drink tea with our millet porridge. I settle the twins to their pursuits of writing, languages, history, or geography. Often during this time I have been telling them a useful parable to occupy their minds. Once I am satisfied that some […]
I am justly punished for failing compassion and then failing to feel guilty. Today, by way of object lesson from the gods, my two children, not soaked by the rain this time but wearing sensible cloaks and straw hats, came in from the streets with much clatter, to tell me, “Lady mother, look what we’ve […]
The little ground pig has disappeared, as wild animals are wont to do, and the children are disconsolate. It is a good reminder to me that their worries are far more immediate and close than mine. They do not consider the great sweep of the inner and outer provinces and the newly conquered provinces by […]